You're so pretty...for a big girl...UGHHHHH

I refuse to be pretty for a big girl...I am just pretty...simple
So there I am...walking through the mall, looking all cute, ended up seeing a friend of mine who I had not seen in a while, and with her was one of her friends. My girlfriend proceeded to introduce me to her friend (whom I later found out was her cousin) and her cousin looks at me and says ever soooooo sweetly...

"You know you are sooooooo pretty....for a big girl"

My response was literally "ummm...thanks" and I quickly refocused on my friend and what we've both been up to since we last saw each other. After walking away from that somewhat awkward situation I could not help but feel a bit annoyed. And that annoyance quickly converted to a feeling of being insulted...

PRETTY FOR A BIG GIRL??? WHAT!!!!!! (>_<) <<<-----my facial expression in case you're wondering...

So does it mean that all big girls aren't pretty?? Also, does it mean that being big is unattractive??? 

Sighhhhh....the slender ideal lingers in my head...Now I am not anti-skinny, I firmly believe that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, but I feel like the media pushes this slender norm so much upon us that we've come to accept it as the ONLY form of beauty out there. I mean, look at mainstream television shows, music videos, as well as print advertisements. Although there are a few exceptions, the majority shows the ideal woman being tall and slender with long flowing hair (hmmm...maybe the long hair ideology is probably why some people are so obsessed with weave, but that's a whole other blog.)

To me...saying that I'm pretty for a big girl is pretty much telling me that I'm not pretty by regular standards. Its like you're lowering the bar on my beauty just because I'm thick/fat/chubby/plump/fluffy/mampee (my trini peeps would know mampee lol) or whatever other term you wish to refer me as. The sad thing is this isn't the first time I've heard that type of pseudo compliment, I've also gotten...

"Fuh ah darkie...yuh rel bess" (translation: For a dark skinned girl you are beautiful)
"You sure you not mix up?? yuh hair rel soft and curly" (translation: Are you sure you're not of a mixed ethnicity?? You hair is so soft and curly)

With compliments like these...who needs insults????

I wish I could see forms of beauty being equally represented in society...
I wish compliments came without clauses...


I WISH SOCIETY COULD SEE THE BEAUTY IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES...
All a girl can do is wish I guess...


Regards.

Tshenelle aka Nelly B.

28 comments

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you...it just bothers me how so many of my plus sized sisters get this supposed complement...no bueno

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  2. Replies
    1. Thank you Bri...im glad u like it...i know im not the only one who gets this type of compliment...smh

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  3. Thank you for your blog.....I HATE when people say that same thing to me. You are gorgeous girlie.

    Peace & Blessings

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    1. Thank you hun and so are you....we are ALL beautiful..our beauty should NOT be defined by our size...

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  4. Unfortunately the only cure to that type of stereotypical bias is knowing your own worth and not letting the mindset of your environment impact on who you are and what you do.
    I love the way plus size beauties are using their voices, creating a new reality by refusing to stand in the background... that for me is all that matters.... eventually they'll see what we see that we're all JUST BEAUTIFUL.
    http://www.facebook.com/ShopCurvistaFashionz

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    1. thank you for sharing!!!!!! i cant wait for the show

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  5. Thank You So So Much!!!! I hear it, heard it and no i don't take it as a compliment....Thank You for expressing what not only I but other ladies feel...... when you get a chance check me out on facebook too..... www.facebook.com/sunshynpoet #selfesteem

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  6. Heard this my whole life... plus the you dress nice or u fly for a big girl...Smdh its like what??? Did u really think that's a compliment..smh there's so many girls that r thin and light skin and get that are ugly but no1 says Ur wow Ur ugly for a skinny fair skin girl..

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    1. Its a real shame...to me beauty comes from within so why try to type my beauty because of my size or skin colour...sighhhh...thank you for sharing

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  7. Yes,I too have heard that a million times,and grew so tired of it. To me they are saying that because I am a thick,curvy,sexy, dark & beautiful woman I can't be pretty. But I am & loving all if my God given curves.

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  8. Hey I finally found out how to comment haha but I wanted to say Thick, plus-size whatever you want to call it are beautiful and people are dumb to think other wise : )
    Me and my group The H&T made a song for all the Thick women in the world because there is always skinny women all thru the music industry so check it out : )


    http://soundcloud.com/heroes_terrorists/h-t-alumni-ft-swagga-bilal/

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  9. i get that all the time yeah i was one of the people that used to say i have to loose weight to be accepted but after loosing a little weight i realize i am pretty either way... self steam can be torn down by others but now i refuse to let anyone make me feel that way, i think u are beautiful and wen i looked at ur pictures all isee is ur beauty. i love this blog keep it up because people like that are the reason we shine no matter what our size maybe.....

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    1. You do you hunni!!!!!!! ppl fail to realise how powerful words can be...but im glad u realised your own beauty...thank you for sharing

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  10. I hear ya Nelly B. I've never had to deal with that experience but I can relate to the 'dark skin' insults. A pet peeve of mine is when someone refers to another person as, "Big, Black and Ugly." Excuse me but are they synonyms??? Big STUPES!!!!

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  11. You're that much more beautiful for those curves and that lovely dark skin. Not for a big girl or a dark girl. That's what they need to be saying lol.

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    1. I love that...and you're very right, thats what they should be saying...thank you for sharing

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  12. Un-Educated People Stereotype!
    People who don't know much about nothing!!!

    Every inch of you radiate Gorgeousness (is that a word :? )
    Your body, mind, heart and soul! Don't let anyone steal that from you.

    God Bless!

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    1. Thank you, girl i just wish ppl would see beauty for what it is...from the heart...from God...from within. thank you for sharing

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  13. Finally,someone who tells it as it is,plus size chics are very beautiful,no offence to skinny chics,but beauty is relative and skinny is overstated,loved this post!

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  14. This is the story of my life............. My 'friends' often tell me I am Gorg for a thick girl...... In my opinion I wish that society would step away from this 'skinny girl is sexy' ideology. These heifers in the fashion/media/branding/modeling industries are sick....YES SICK!!! They are either bulimic or anorexic and quite frankly I enjoy the taste of chicken ( no vomitting here boo)..... just look at the Olsen Twins who now has a fashion line....HA!!! For who.... those girls who are straight and has no shape!!! O_o ..... My size does not determine my beauty or worth bcus I am also intelligent, creative, funny and SEXY! I want to encourage every Plus woman reading this blog............. U R BEAUTIFUL... no matter the size of your clothing. I DO NOT promote an unhealthy lifestyle bcuz I to go to the gym six days of the week.

    Love yourselves my thick friends and Tshenelle I am glad that you are using this as an avenue of encouragement bcus so many women and now kids are being victims to bully and insults bcuz of their size............ It's time to encourage a 'Love yourself' site for Trinidad and hey lets take this theme into the schools and shelters and let's build self esteem!!!

    You are beautiful..... We are beautiful. And these skinny heifers just cant handle the curve balls we throw out in society.............#straightroadheifers lmao

    Love love love this post

    (Sorry about the essay but this topic gets me so angry ughhh!!!) * mumbling pretty for a big girl my ass!!! ughhh!!!!

    Bless

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    1. Girl..thank you for the essay lol..the dialogue IS NEEDED!!!! you are very right... *mumbles along with Afi*
      Thank u for sharing hun...

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